Having kids is expensive. All of the crap they need is overpriced plastic junk. It makes you wonder how much money people saved before plastic was invented.
I just had the following conversation with J.
J: daddy has dollars
Me: oh yeah? Is daddy rich?
J: no, he can't be rich, he's a dad.
It'll be at least 20 years before he understands how true that really is.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Intenet safety
Cj recently had a talk at school about Internet safety, She informed me you never use your real identity, because then bad guys might find you.
I got to see my little sneaky snake in action this morning. Instead of putting CJ in an online game registration, she put JC...ooooh sneaky.
It got even better! Instead of putting something like 405 Main St, she put 450 Main Rd. Of course the rest of her address was the normal one.
Those bad guys will never find her now! With her craftiness in avoiding detection combined with her bookie skills, I see a lifetime of numbered offshore accounts in her future,
I got to see my little sneaky snake in action this morning. Instead of putting CJ in an online game registration, she put JC...ooooh sneaky.
It got even better! Instead of putting something like 405 Main St, she put 450 Main Rd. Of course the rest of her address was the normal one.
Those bad guys will never find her now! With her craftiness in avoiding detection combined with her bookie skills, I see a lifetime of numbered offshore accounts in her future,
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Predicting my childs future
CJ frequently asks me what I think she should be when she grows up. I usually go with "lawyer" because the kid argues more than anyone I know.
She found her true calling on accident.
Apparently in 2nd grade you get to learn about "predictions". This is a way of finding out who is going to spend their whole life being right, who is going to spend their life arguing they're right even when they have no clue, and who you never want to send to buy your lottery tickets.
My sweet precious 7 year old (at the time) came home from school and told me they are now playing "predictions" at recess.
I asked for more details, in an attempt to be a good mother who listens (when I'm really not one of those...)
That sweet precious 7 year old (at the time) comes up with the predictions (will Tommy wear a blue shirt tomorrow or red? Will the next car that drives by be a truck? you get the point). She has also been having the kids she plays with bring all of the change they can find at home.
She then takes the change, gives the prediction and then doles out the winnings to the kids who predict right, while taking a small cut for herself.
My 8 year old has a bright shining career in a life of organized crime in her future. At least we can spend her college savings on something really cool, like an alpaca farm.
She found her true calling on accident.
Apparently in 2nd grade you get to learn about "predictions". This is a way of finding out who is going to spend their whole life being right, who is going to spend their life arguing they're right even when they have no clue, and who you never want to send to buy your lottery tickets.
My sweet precious 7 year old (at the time) came home from school and told me they are now playing "predictions" at recess.
I asked for more details, in an attempt to be a good mother who listens (when I'm really not one of those...)
That sweet precious 7 year old (at the time) comes up with the predictions (will Tommy wear a blue shirt tomorrow or red? Will the next car that drives by be a truck? you get the point). She has also been having the kids she plays with bring all of the change they can find at home.
She then takes the change, gives the prediction and then doles out the winnings to the kids who predict right, while taking a small cut for herself.
My 8 year old has a bright shining career in a life of organized crime in her future. At least we can spend her college savings on something really cool, like an alpaca farm.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Preschool Woes
Yesterday I went to pick H & J up from preschool.
The director of the preschool was hollering in each class that there were poop (or #2 as she called it) hand prints on the toilet seat so to check hands.
I expressed sympathy to the teachers but inside I was snickering and thinking how glad I was it wasn't me cleaning the toilet.
Ya know that thing called karma? Or if you don't believe in karma maybe that "what goes around comes around" saying?
We get home and I'm laying H down for her nap. I notice she has chocolate pudding on her shirt.
Wait...she didn't have chocolate pudding. I refused to make any further connections in my mind, because that would make my kid THAT kid in a school full of children who don't have #2 hands.
Until she #2 hand printed my toilet this morning.
Moral of the story? You would think I'd say not to laugh at others when they have to clean up poop. Nope, the moral of the story today is to send your kids to 7 day a week preschool.
The director of the preschool was hollering in each class that there were poop (or #2 as she called it) hand prints on the toilet seat so to check hands.
I expressed sympathy to the teachers but inside I was snickering and thinking how glad I was it wasn't me cleaning the toilet.
Ya know that thing called karma? Or if you don't believe in karma maybe that "what goes around comes around" saying?
We get home and I'm laying H down for her nap. I notice she has chocolate pudding on her shirt.
Wait...she didn't have chocolate pudding. I refused to make any further connections in my mind, because that would make my kid THAT kid in a school full of children who don't have #2 hands.
Until she #2 hand printed my toilet this morning.
Moral of the story? You would think I'd say not to laugh at others when they have to clean up poop. Nope, the moral of the story today is to send your kids to 7 day a week preschool.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
********WARNING...THIS POST CONTAINS SOME OF THE GRUESOME STUFF THAT IS MY REALITY. IF BLOOD BOTHERS YOU, MOVE ALONG*********
Anyone that has been a small child knows that occasionally some irrational fears surface.
I myself had a serious issue with killer bees. No one bothered to explain to my 6 year old self that these bees weren't little ninja bees that would come and throw little bee-sized ninja stars through your window until they could break through and attack you.
Hanli decided about six months ago she was afraid of squirrels. Like, hysterically body shake inducing afraid. No amount of reasoning convinced her otherwise.
She was afraid of their claws at first, so I told her they had nice little squirrel hands. Her fears soon gave way to crying about squirrels tickle hands.
Mostly this was contained as an outside fear. As long as someone was outside with her, she felt safe from these psycho tickler squirrels.
A few months after the height of the squirrel mania, she was in her room playing and suddenly starts screaming about how there are squirrels in her bed.
I tell her to hush. She's fine, the squirrels won't hurt her, they can't get in the house, yada yada.
She starts crying louder.
The little boys that are over start going on and on about how there are squirrels in her bed.
I'm getting really frustrated now. I tell them they HAVE to quit. I've had enough, squirrels can't get in the house and if they did they wouldn't be sitting in her bed.
Boy was I wrong.
Apparently the westie, Auggie, has been reading the Godfather while we've been out of the house. Seeing as how he's slightly small in stature, he had to settle for a squirrel instead of a horse to get his message across that he's the boss of the house.
Anyone that has been a small child knows that occasionally some irrational fears surface.
I myself had a serious issue with killer bees. No one bothered to explain to my 6 year old self that these bees weren't little ninja bees that would come and throw little bee-sized ninja stars through your window until they could break through and attack you.
Hanli decided about six months ago she was afraid of squirrels. Like, hysterically body shake inducing afraid. No amount of reasoning convinced her otherwise.
She was afraid of their claws at first, so I told her they had nice little squirrel hands. Her fears soon gave way to crying about squirrels tickle hands.
Mostly this was contained as an outside fear. As long as someone was outside with her, she felt safe from these psycho tickler squirrels.
A few months after the height of the squirrel mania, she was in her room playing and suddenly starts screaming about how there are squirrels in her bed.
I tell her to hush. She's fine, the squirrels won't hurt her, they can't get in the house, yada yada.
She starts crying louder.
The little boys that are over start going on and on about how there are squirrels in her bed.
I'm getting really frustrated now. I tell them they HAVE to quit. I've had enough, squirrels can't get in the house and if they did they wouldn't be sitting in her bed.
Boy was I wrong.
Apparently the westie, Auggie, has been reading the Godfather while we've been out of the house. Seeing as how he's slightly small in stature, he had to settle for a squirrel instead of a horse to get his message across that he's the boss of the house.
An Introduction
I like to talk. I'm sure that comes as a great shock.
Since not everyone I know lives in my house for me to talk to all day, I feel the need to constantly be sharing my stories.
Moving onward. I discovered yesterday we're a very chaotic family. To me, chaos has always held a negative connotation. However, my close personal friend Miriam (of the Webster family) told me that chaos can be defined as the inherent unpredictability in the behavior of a complex natural system
I think that might just describe my life.
And to end this, I would like to forewarn you of my next post in that it will contain graphic photos ala The Godfather.
Since not everyone I know lives in my house for me to talk to all day, I feel the need to constantly be sharing my stories.
Moving onward. I discovered yesterday we're a very chaotic family. To me, chaos has always held a negative connotation. However, my close personal friend Miriam (of the Webster family) told me that chaos can be defined as the inherent unpredictability in the behavior of a complex natural system
I think that might just describe my life.
And to end this, I would like to forewarn you of my next post in that it will contain graphic photos ala The Godfather.
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